Time travels slow for me, which means more suffering, more pain.
Time travels fast for you, because you are enjoying yourself with him.

I hate how my heart works,
and I hate myself.

If only, if only.

Every time I look at you, I just felt like crying.
That's probably the reason you don't always see me looking at you.
And when you look at me, I have to force my tears back in.
Still hurts me alot, even though I look okay.

My heart aches when the message is sent.
All I can do is only wait, and wait, and wait.

Please give me the strength to carry on.

The pain is unbearable, but what else is there for me?

Lol, how should I be feeling?
Should I selflessly be happy for you? Or should I selfishly be angry about it?
What can I do now?
Do I let go? No.
Should I still wait? Yes I will.

Shermaine Chan, I'll always be there for you,
No matter how you may treat me, ignore me, angry at me.
I'll still be there, no matter what happens.
Stupid me.

Now you're together with someone else.
I can't do much anymore. But I'll still wait.
I can't tell you what to do, that's not my part anymore.
But I'll still be there for you, always.

Love changes everything.

As if worrying isn't hard enough, wilder things have to run through my mind.

I hate being so contradicting to what I say.
I'm not indecisive.
Sometimes I say no, but I know my heart really want to say yes.
So I'll say yes after a few minutes, but you don't understand.

Sandman, I'm so alone.
Don't have nobody, to call my own.
Please turn on your magic beam.
Mr. Sandman bring me a dream.

Really, what should I be feeling now?
Am I being selfish or selfless?
Why can't my heart just accept it?

I sleep better with you around.
When I wake up, I wanted to stay back in the dream so badly.
Because that's where you're mine.

I have fears, but no weakness.
You, are my weakness.

The morning determines your mood for the rest of the day.
I want to spend my morning with you always, but I can't get to.
If I don't have a great day, I might ruin others.
So I don't want to go out without my morning set right,
but with you like this, how can I not listen so I can make sure you're not wasting time?

You don't even need me to be happy.
Why are you saying all these?

Contemplating suicide and the only thing stopping those thoughts is you.
If you push me away, who knows what will happen?

I've been in love and I still am.
The hurt is immense.

At wit's end. Don't know what to do anymore.
What am I trying to achieve?

And I stupidly went alone to the place where we swore to come back when we get old, just to put our feet in the waters to feel the youth.

Nothing kills you more than your loved one ignoring you.

I really hate the weekends.
The reason I go to school because it's the weekdays and I'm able to see you.

You left me hanging, now you want me to fall to my death.

I sat at the foot of your block from 2.30am all the way to 6.45am.
Thinking of a million ways to surprise you.
But i figured you wouldn't be happy to see me, so i left.

And she asks me to hang up.

To her, it's goodbye.
To me, it's fuck off.

I could never blame you for what you did, I can never fault you for all. I blame it all on myself.
I'm sorry.

I may say I need time alone, but in fact I just want you here with me.

You don't understand that I love to end my day with you.

The most painful feeling in the world is seeing someone you love, love someone else.

I always contradict what I say but I can't tell you that.

Mouth: Go ahead and find him, you miss him.
Heart: Please don't leave my side, please don't go.

You think you know how it really feels like, but I don't think so. It hurts so bad, so bad.

I'm feeling all crazy and stuff, it's hard to keep it all in to myself, but I will try. For your happiness.

You fall in love, and then it ends.
But you foolishly hold on to it.

I understand you more than he does.
I give my all and my energy just to see you smile.
And all he does is effortlessly call to make your day.
Doesn't my effort change your heart?

Someone please tell me what I should do.

It's so hard to concentrate everything I have to do,
if you're on my mind every single moment.

My mind: Fuck it.
My heart: Are you happy? Where are you now? What are you doing? Do you miss me? Why didn't you reply? Are you texting him?

Sometimes I just think.
If I simply just disappear, everything will went smoother and everyone will be happy.

I did because, I love you, and I always do.

I'm thinking of all the things we did together, all the time.
I can't tell you, so I keep it all to myself.

Everything I do for you, is because I still love you.

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone.
God knows I got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see, I want to break free.

I'm trying my very best to stay happy for you.

I don't know if you can wait for a while.
If you've been hurt and it might take some time.
I ain't running away, I'm just going underground.
But one day, I'll come back around.

Just want to tell you, if you ever find yourself back to this blog,

I still love you.